With the end of the Toussaints holiday at the end of October came the end of the "honeymoon" period of my cultural adjustment. Now my general mood has turned a bit funky, but is most certainly not fresh. I have been trying to keep myself busy, but the appeal of sitting on my couch with some sort of junk/comfort food has become difficult to ignore! I am definitely hoping that the never-ceasing positive attitudes of my friends will pull me out of this wonkiness toute de suite (ASAP) so I can go back to feeling normal again.
I think that one of the major reasons for my current slump, besides the obvious issue of homesickness, has been the sheer amount of stimulation that I have received since arriving in Nice. I took this job as an assistant and came to France to attempt to find some clarity and direction. Instead I now have more options and opportunities at my feet than I ever thought possible! Should I come to Europe for my masters? Should I hang out here for another year to work as a teaching assistant? Should I try my hand at moving here and working without enrolling in school (gasp!)? Then there are the same options in the US...and if you extend even further, the same options in South America, Asia, Africa, and Australia. I think that the next six months will most definitely provide some sort of weight that will help to tip the scales in one direction or another, but the waiting is always the hardest part (words of wisdom by Tom Petty).
Another thing that I haven't been able to shake from my brain is the idea of "success". Success, to me, has never meant sitting at a desk, earning a 401K, and completing meaningless tasks. Success means feeling fulfilled from all aspects of your life, including the work you do. I know that it is an idealistic viewpoint, but I do think that it's possible to achieve. I also am trying my hardest to distance myself from the (very American) idea that how much you make determines your level of success--success should be a feeling, not a figure. Now I'm not trying to go all hippy dippy on you (Dad, don't worry), but one of my goals for my time in France is for me to determine what would make me feel satisfied for now, and to pursue it once this year is over. And once whatever "that" is stops fulfilling me, I need to promise myself that I will replace it with something that does.
On another, much lighter note, I went to the Fête des Châtaignes in Cagnes-sur-Mer this past weekend where I got to eat (more) freshly roasted chestnuts, pet a baby pig and some kittens, drink (more) mulled wine, and spend time with a good friend. Pictures of said tiny pig to come!
Hugs and Bisous
Ann
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I know the feeling Ann. This experience has made me more unsure of what I want to do in the future. I think everything will work out how it's supposed to though. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling the same way right now, and it's good to know I'm not alone. Like you said, the honeymoon is coming to an end, and I'm starting to miss home a bit more. Oh well - all part of the experience! Good luck in France and let me know if you are ever plan to travel near Sevilla :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post--you express how I've felt for the past few years now (with college ending and "real life" looming) so well. And I'm loving your definition of success. Whenever I feel a bit down, I find it comforting to remind myself that I will never regret my time in France. xx
ReplyDeletewow, I'm really touched that you all 1. read this and 2. commented. I'm glad that we are all experiencing this together and I hope that as the months go by, we will all find clarity in our decision to work abroad and will know what our next step should be once the contract is up. And Steph--if you are ever in the south of France...let me know :-)
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